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solitude

Solitude.  loneliness.  Silence.  Stillness.  Tranquility. 

Can I just make a blunt remark?  I absolutely love and hold dear to my alone time.  This may sound crazy to some of you who know me as a very outgoing, joyful, and spirited person who enjoys staying active and flourishes from surrounding herself with people. Though, I have a secret.  I delight in solitude and silence.  I find it essential.  That moment when all I am hearing are my thoughts and the thoughts of my Father; that, that my friends is the feeling of truly being alive.  In enjoying His company; knowing that His comfort, friendship, love, and strength is truly all I need and long for.   

For me, alone time is an opportunity to tune out all going on around me and to focus on myself.  You may be thinking that comment sounded extremely selfish.  Think about it though.  If we become so consumed with what is happening around us, we will loose site of ourselves.  Becoming of the world.  Not taking a hold of and capturing that joy and light we are to love with, each and every single day.  

When I am alone, I am who I am.  Not who others want me to be or expect me to be.  I encompass an entirely new sense of creativity and exploration.  When I journal, write, garden, crochet, play my violin, read, walk, cook, bake, clean, lounge around [seemingly doing nothing], etc... I feel good.  I feel alive.  Happy.  Not at all lonely. And that is because I let my Father captivate my heart.  My thoughts.  My actions.  My words.  And even my emotions.  

I was recently having a conversation with my dear cousin about this.  About enjoying being alone and not feeling guilty for wanting just that.  What she said made me so happy.  She mentioned how she believes that trait was passed down right from our Papa Rinne.  And dear me, that is so true.  My Papa Rinne is a strong, noble, smart, loving, hilarious, Godly man, yet he is quiet.  Enjoys his solitude.  His alone time.  Being home.  Cleaning, reading, smoking his cigar, sitting by the pool, completing crossword and sudoku puzzles, and eating butter pecan ice cream.  Seriously, he hardly ever leaves the house.  And as crazy as I use to think he was when I was younger, I admire that quality in him.  The quality of being so happy and content with simplicity.  Not needing the "things" and "comforts" of the world, yet rather delighting in his family, his alone time, and the Lord.  

This past year marks, most likely, as probably one of the craziest, most confusing, hardest, and complicated years ever.  

From broken relationships to mended ones- from one school to the next- going from living with my family to living on my own- from leaving old friends to making new ones, from dealing with new and old emotions to learning to let God control them- from new opportunities, both good and bad, to still choosing to walk in truth.   I have remained sane; level headed.  And that sanity is from trusting my Father, leaning on those around me who love me, and spending quality alone time with myself and the Lord.  Reflecting, pondering, and writing.  You see it is so important to know who you are.  To enjoy being who you are.  And to grow and let God show you who you are through Him.  

So I just encourage you all to set aside time to be alone.  Go on a walk.  Leave your phone at home.  Sit in your bed and read or be crafty.  Enjoy who you are.  Become the person you truly are.  Ask God questions about yourself and about Him; and don't be surprised when He answers you! 

it was just yesterday...

Crazy things are happening.  It seems as if it were just yesterday that me and this one were playing homeless and spies in our backyard.  Making up dance routines to EVERY Jump 5 song, swapping clothes and trying to get away with doing each others school work...ha..., DOUBLE SWANKING people on the basketball court, and enjoying life side- by- side.  With all the moving around my family did, in every house, neighbourhood, city, and state, one thing always stayed the same... I always had my best friend.  Now would I have ever admitted to that, no.  I'm simply and stubbornly the older sister... ha, but it is true.  My life changed at the age of one year and thirteen days.  The world no longer revolved around me in our house.  I had a little sister to look after, adore, tackle, tickle, scare...(Im the queen of scaring her.. to the point of her falling down the stairs, ha.), and to be a good example to.  I have failed numerous times at being the the greatest and most loving big sister, but I have always tried my best, just sometimes in my own-uniwue way.  And I hope, Jayla, that you know that!

Growing up with you was never a dull moment.  You are an absolute goof.  You are hilarious and at times... way more blonde than you look, but that is who you are and that is so awesome!  Seriously though, I could fill many books of funny "Jayla quotes and moments." haha.  And goodness, you are way beyond beautiful!!  

I remember being in your shoes about two years ago now.  All of the emotions of  anxiousness and excitement. Leaving everything and everyone that you love.  It is hard, but even more so exciting.  Knowing what crazy awesome things God is going to reveal to you.  And as crazy as it sounds, it is probably going to be harder to come back, than it is to leave, cause well, you are going to change.  You are going to have so many new experiences and you are going to leave so much baggage behind, baggage you had no clue you even carried around.  You are going to learn so much about yourself, your Father, love, surrender, relationships, and life.  You are about to be a part of a new family and community of people there.  Cease every moment and be intentional with relationships.  Do not be afraid to let God completely wreck you, because it is in brokenness that we find ourselves and our identity in Him.  I am so excited for you and proud of you.  I remember just a few weeks into my DTS saying to my one-on-one, "my sister has to experience this!"  

Well baby sister, I miss you already and cannot wait to hear of all the adventures God takes you on!!! Goodness, it is so exciting!!! I wish so badly I was in your shoes again, but now it is your turn! 

Love you, Plumpkin. ;] 

identity

find beauty in the unknown. 

Sometimes our lives can look like this picture above.  They can be filled with this haze, slowly taking over our beings... hiding who we really are.  Our image of ourself becomes warped into something we are not... a fog so thick we loose ourselves in it.  

It is a scary thing.  Loosing oneself, that is.  But it is even scarier to those who don't know how to find themselves once again, or even for the first time.

Our identity is who we are.  What we believe, what we will fight for, how we portray ourselves, etc.  And our identity can so often be founded in lies, when we let it, that is.  You see, the Lord has given me very clear understanding and truth as to my identity and who I am through Him! I am His daughter. My identity; who I am, is who He says I am. I am not who my friends, family, or the world may say I am.  And neither are you.  

It absolutely breaks my heart to see young people not understand that they are not orphans.  That rather, they are sons and daughters of a King.  They are loved, wanted, trusted, worthy, and beautiful.  

Last night I had the privilege of ministering and praying for a group of middle school/ high school girls.  I was a mess.  Immediately in tears, before the first word left my mouth.  It was heartbreaking to hear these girls say that they felt ugly, unwanted, not worth anything, a mistake,... It is hard for me to understand why the truth of who I am is so prevalent and real in my life... but not in the lives of these girls.  

Sometimes it is hard to understand God's plan.  And it is so easy to go about our daily lives, after experiences after last night.  However, I don't want to, just exactly!  God has given me such a compassion for the lost, broken, unsure, scared,... and even though I may not be able to have an active presence in the entire world's lives, and specifically in these young girls lives', He does.  And He loves them and has great plans for their lives.  And I can intercede on their behalf.  On the behalf of lost Nations, Countries, Tribes, Cities, Families,... And that is so awesome to me! 

dear friend

This beautiful girl recently left her life and comforts of home in Cleveland, Tennessee and has embarked on a great new adventure.  For the next six months of her life, she will be serving and loving the beautiful people and kids at an orphanage in Paraguay.  

[for those of you geographically challenged... thats in South America.. you're welcome!]

Aubree has an amazing passion, love, and excitement for life and serving others.  She has been an incredible inspiration to me, especially this last year.  Our relationship has changed, matured, and grown into something so beautiful! She has taught me so much about love, life, and walking a God fearing path.  She has shown me vulnerability, brokeness, and strength. [yes, all at once ;)]  I have truly been amazed to see where God has taken her the past year.  Through all of the ups and downs, mysteries and confusions, and happy days and sorrowful days, she has remained completely reliant on God.  And I have had the amazing honour of being apart of it all... even hundreds of miles apart.  Its crazy how our conversations go from crying to laughter, back to crying... and ending in laughter.  Life has been quite the journey for each of us and I have a feeling it shall continue to be... and I believe as confused and scared we may be, we are both excited to see where exactly God will end up taking each of us!  

She has recently started her own blog... a keepsake of memories and stories from her time abroad... you should all follow and keep up with her life... so here ya go, http://aubreeleighanne.blogspot.com/ 

Anywho, Aubree... I wish you many blessings and laughter, but most of all I am beyond excited to hear and see how God uses you and the wisdom and insight the He has given you to touch and transform the hearts of those around you!  I am so proud of and excited for you! 

Love You Always// 

confidence.

  

     Who are you confident in?  

Where does your confidence come from?  

In what areas of your life is confidence expressed, and in 

what areas do you lack personal confidence?

I believe that our confidence is a reflection of the way we view ourselves as a whole.  Mentally; what we tell ourselves we are capable of.  Physically; where we believe our limits are to be.  And Spiritually; the value we place on ourselves.   

Personally, for me, the battle of the mind is the hardest.  And I have seen that reflected through my life numerous times.  I competed competitively, in the great sport of tennis, for almost 7 years.  I very much so, and still do, enjoy playing tennis.  I was in private and group lessons.  I played #1 girls singles on a USTA team for a few years and was ranked in the top 30 for girls 16&under in the state of Alabama.  With all of this said, I obviously enjoyed the sport and took it very seriously, however tennis was a complete mind game for me.  It did not matter how much skill or practice I had, I struggled each time I stepped on the court to compete.  At tournaments I would peak at the charts to see who I was playing... do my research to see their ranking... and then, before even seeing them hit a ball, I often decided at first glance of seeing them wether I was to loose or win the match against them.  Luckily I had an amazing and intuitive father who immediately saw this in me.  And each time I would come to him, pointing out the girl I was up against next, He would look at me and say something on the lines of.... "Haley, don't tell yourself you have lost... control your mind, you can win!" Or on the other hand, "You haven't won yet baby, take it one point at a time!" 

I never was one to beat myself up for loosing a game, but I very often struggled and was frustrated.  My dad and coach ended up having me read a book titled, "If I'm the better player, why can't I win." And to be completely honest, I still don't exactly know why!  I just had to control my mind stroke by stroke.  As silly as it sounds... I had complete and full {also completely off topic} conversations with myself in my head during matches.  It was something I continuously struggled with, but gradually learned to control.  But heck, still in some competitive arenas I have the same problem... ha for instance playing my dad in ping pong.  He is very good, however I've learned a lot from him over the years, and am very capable of beating him now, but I only have a small handful of times.  Because, mentally, man... the fact that he is my dad... is a whole new game of ping pong for me.  A complete mental game.  He knows it; loves it; and definitely takes advantage of it, ha! 

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On a deeper note and more importantly, I believe that the value you have for yourself comes from the Father.  It is a hard concept to grasp if you are not in relationship with Him.  Because just as love, or perseverance, or any other attribute and gift comes from the Father, I believe that you can only fully understand or have the knowledge of the extent of its meaning and worth if you first understand and know the Confidence that He has in you; as well as have that pure, trustworthy confidence in Him as well.  Without Him in your life and this understanding of Him, I think it is impossible to fully see your value and worth, and therefore have the confidence in yourself that He wants you to have.  He has unique, exciting, and amazing plans for each of our lives.  He wants us to live our lives intentionally, and with purpose.  He has blessed each of us with many talents and gifts that are to be used for His kingdom, yet often we are blinded by the reality of that because we lack the confidence in ourselves to live up to the expectations we believe come with that.  Or, some, don't believe, "God has a calling for them, or at least not more than attending church." and that statement there is a lie.  God's will for each of our lives is to first love.  To love Him and one another.  And to live and serve Him whole heatedly.  Surrendering everything to him.  Your fears, pride, relationships, job, etc.  To be a living sacrifice.  I think often people are afraid of "missions," because they are afraid of everything they love being stripped away from them, and yes, don't get me wrong, you need to surrender all to Him, but He knows your passions and dreams.  He has bestowed those upon you! And He intends for you to use those for His kingdom.  We each have a sphere of influence and we have one of two choices to make.  To either go about our daily routines and leave God on the bookshelf at home, and for church.  Or to centre our lives around Him and therefore influence and illuminate, in a pure, true, and Godly way, the lives of those around us.  You would be surprised how speaking and sharing about God and your relationship with Him come sour so naturally no matter who you are around.  Its crazy!  But think about it, when something or someone is your entire world, and your thoughts and heart are constantly fixed on just that... It is second nature to speak of His name.  

God has given me a love and passion for the outdoors.  And for intentional relationships with everyone I encounter.  He has shown me how to be confident in that!  How to be confident in the fact that He is going to use those passions to greater His kingdom.  And heck, Im so stoked to see where God takes me!  As for now though, my life is already exciting; the adventure has already began!  And it has been an extraordinary experience leaving that completely up to Him.  

//Ask God to show you your worth.  Your value.  And be CONFIDENT in who it is He has called you to be//

friendship

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same"

"A friend will calm you down when you are angry, but a BEST friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing, 'someone's gonna get it" 

I remember the first time I met this young lady.  It was at tennis camp... all of the girls on our court had to chose someone to compete against another court... Laney and I were the two names they were yelling out... she was my competition, and I was intimidated! 

From there I met her at a classical co-op I attended... I walk into latin class and there sits that same girl, not to mention with multiple stacks of latin flash cards sitting in front of her. Geeze, there was just no way to top this one! 

With all of this said, soon after officially meeting her, our families went to Coolidge Park in Downtown Chattanooga, TN.  Me and Laney smoked the others in a three legged race... *hence starting the journey of our awesome-lifelong friendship! 

From studying for latin together- playing spies- washing each others hair in the pool [and snow]- being doubles partners in tennis- composing our own songs- being the queens of capture the flag and the only ones to ever go to the laundry mat for fun [or at least consider it]- serving together in Belarus- adventuring in Chicago, Canada, Alabama, Tennessee, Michigan, Linville Gorge, NC- being there on the day, the luckiest man in the world, asked for her hand in marriage- and to standing next to her at her wedding---honored to be the maid of honor... and crying as that beautiful young lady walked down the isle and under God's covenant embarked on a new chapter and adventure that would last a lifetime.   

Laney has not only been an amazing friend.  She has been a great inspiration, mentor, role model, and sister.  She has taught me to be real, true, and honest with myself.  To walk a life of faith, honour, humility, and truth.  Her relationship with the Lord has always been inspiring to me.  And, now, her relationship with her husband is truly and incredibly inspiring.  She challenges me in numerous ways, and I am beyond grateful for that!   

//Where ever life shall take us, I will forever and always be grateful for the day that God brought our lives together and taught me about true friendship// 

here we go

     Woohoo.... I must say that I am pretty stoked for this new job and adventure!  Kayak guiding at Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore.  I went out yesterday on a tour for my first time!  It was extremely tiring, but so so much fun! I am so excited to learn and gain skill and knowledge!  I think it is so neat and awesome that each day I will have the privilege of spending my time on the frigid waters of Lake Superior.  Talking, meeting, and engaging with different people from all around the world.  Sharing my passion and love for the outdoors and adventure sports!

     //so here's to a summer of excitement, adventure, and challenge//

where i came from. who i was. the journey God has thus far taken me on, and the adventure i am now beginning. the back story on how God has shaped and formed me into who i now am.